Learning to Trust

I think I have trust issues. That sounds like past trauma talking but really I think it’s human nature. The flesh has trouble trusting anyone other than self. And even then it’s hard at times.

Because I want to work on building my trust in the Lord and in others I’ve decided that this time on my reading through of the Bible I’m going to focus on the word trust. John S. Mahon, a long-time friend, mentor, and basically a second father to me, has encouraged others to read God’s Word through once a year and to deepen the readings, to focus on a word for that year.

Before I move forward, this practice is not some magical experience. I used to be caught up, pretty significantly, in the “choose a word for the coming year” movement, thinking about the Law of Attraction and how if I choose the right word, my year will be all about that particular idea. No, this rhythm is not wrapped up in that New Age ideal. No formulaic work of mine will draw out circumstances in my life.

So, as I move forward in my reading of Scripture, I’m starting in Genesis (where else?). Let me take another quick tangent to acknowledge that I’m writing this during a different time than New Year’s. I know a lot of people obsess about starting new activities or readings from Jan 1 forward. But there’s no time like the present. Back to trust.

This time around, I chose the word “trust” because I’m wanting to learn more about it from God. And I’ve discovered something entirely amazing and different than I expected, just from the first chapter. Genesis 1 does not use the word “trust,” nor is the theme about trust. No synonyms exist, no implications, nothing.

I could breeze past the familiar text and leave it there, knowing in advance there was nothing about trust in Genesis 1 so why bother to pour over it. Except that I believe 2 Timothy 3:16-17 which says, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

Reading God’s Word is and always will be worth my time whether or not my word for the year is present. But that’s not the epiphany I had. That alone is wonderful news, that God’s Word is living and active like Hebrews says in verse 12. It is “living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul nd spirit and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” That alone is it! That’s why we read scripture - not because of what we can get from it, but because of who God is and out of love for Him.

But also, I was wowed by the idea that even though what I was looking for wasn’t literally there. The word “trust” wasn’t in chapter 1 of the Bible. Even so, God spoke trust into my heart. Talk about living and active! He can speak things through his word in ways we cannot anticipate. Let me give an example.

As I read the creation account I sat in awe of what God did. He created everything. Food, plant life, people, stars, light, animals, not in that order of course! The food needed the bees and light to spring forth in the way God set up the laws of the Earth, but regardless. He made it all! And then it hit me.

Pondering His power and what He made I began to think about how dependent I am on Him. I am fully dependent. All the particles of the air are at his command. Light was created at his beckon call. He makes all things good and very good. His planet and star making factory created exactly the kind of air my lungs need. I am dependent on Him for my very next breath.

That’s it. I must trust Him for all things, yes, but even for the air I breathe each moment. So why fret about tomorrow as Matthew 6 reminds us? We have all our needs met in this moment. He has taken care of all the atoms and molecules in our midst and if he wants me to take another breath, I will. If not, He is in control. What can I, a mere created woman, do when such power exists? The kind of power that can speak light into being by saying, “Let there be…”

So that was my wow moment. I’m a few chapters into Genesis now and God continues to show me up in what I expected from Him. I’m doing the basics, showing up to read and letting it happen slowly. I’m tackling only one chapter per day and yes, I realize this will not yield a full reading of scripture in a year. At whatever point I can read two that’s great, but I’ll not obsess over the numbers. Why rush this kind of beauty? No, I will take my time and see what else God has up his sovereign and mysterious sleeve.